Why do we eat more at sea? Is there something in the salty air
that stimulates our appetite? Is it because we want to get our
fare’s worth of food? Or do we just eat it because it’s there?
Like cows, our “cruise stomach” seems to find extra
compartments, and we pile on the dreaded “cruise kilos”.
Most cruisers go through three stages, from good intentions, to
giving in, to giving up.
Some people last longer than others, but most crumble at the
first sight of a restaurant menu or buffet.
Pre-cruise: “I am not going to eat too much. I will order from the
‘healthy options’ menu. I will go to the gym. I won’t drink much. I
might even lose weight.”
Day 1
Morning: “Woohoo! Cruise time! Let’s go!”
1pm: “We’re checked in! Finally! I’m hungry. Let’s get lunch
before we look around.”
1.05pm: “Holy buffet! What a spread! They’ve got everything!
Oh, look, it’s my favourite food! Oh, look, it’s your favourite food!
Oh, look at how they carved that apple into a swan! Look at all
those desserts! This is amazing. I love cruising!”
1.06pm: “OK, just this once, I am going to have whatever I want.
I’m on holidays. We paid for this.”
2pm: “Ugh. I shouldn’t have eaten all of that. But it’s OK, I’ll have
a light dinner.”
5.30pm: “Yes, why not, let’s have a pre-dinner drink to celebrate.
I’ll just have a white wine spritzer. No, wait. Only $8 for a cocktail?
That’s very good value. Well, it is a special occasion. Pina colada,
please.”
5.45pm: “Do we have time for another?”
6pm: “Five courses? No, no, no. I couldn’t possibly. But it all
looks so good. Free steak! Free seafood! Chocolate soufflé! OK,
just tonight. It’s the first night! Tomorrow I will be good.”
Day 2
9am: “I’m only having fruit for breakfast.”
9.05am: “Argh, the breakfast buffet is as big as the lunch
buffet!”
9.06am: “Oh, look, they have a chef cooking omelettes. Let’s
get one while the queue is short. Quickly!”
9.16am: “That was delicious. Right, so now I’m going to get a
little fruit.”
9.20am: “You should see all the different types of breads and
pastries. I got a selection for you to try. I’ll just have a bite.”
9.40am: “Why oh why did I eat all those pastries? I don’t even
like pastries. I need to lie down.”
11am: “Is it lunchtime yet? What? It’s only 11? What’s wrong
with me?”
11.02am: “Do they have morning tea?”
11.45am: “Let’s beat the queue for lunch. I won’t have dessert
this time. And then I’m going to the gym.”
2pm: “I’m too full to go to the gym. I’m going to lie by the pool
and let it all digest. Come and get me when it’s time for dinner.”
6pm: “Oh, it’s even better than yesterday. Forget it. I deserve to
treat myself. There’s only five days left. I’ll go on a diet when I get
home.”
